i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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