Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
