M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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