that's an acceptable place to lick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
