I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
