The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
organizing the empties. That sober.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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