im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am naked and annoyed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize