is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
