Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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