Well apparently he's into motor boating.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
