Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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