she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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