Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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