I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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