Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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