I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
