tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
