I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
