fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
