Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
