So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
