the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
