There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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