We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
