No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
