Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
