At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
