Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
