oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
