Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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