I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
