Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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