i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
