hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
