Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
