i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
