Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
