he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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