I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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