apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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