What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
