I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
