so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize