i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
