he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
