I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize