Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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