So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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