Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
