I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize