he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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