Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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