Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
