The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
