I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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