i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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