google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
