if i can run in heels then i can drive
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
