thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
