there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
