Whod you bang
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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