Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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