ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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