glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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