We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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