so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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