i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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