nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So squirting runs in the family.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need moral support for this bender
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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